5 years and counting . . .

How to even put into words . . .

Today Jer and I have been married for five years. All at once it seems like just yesterday, and yet an eternity, since we were married. We’ve come a long way . . . we’ve grown into adults together (because, really, we were just kids when we were married), and now we’ve grown into parents together. And every single day we’ve grown closer together. More than any other year, this year I am overwhelmingly grateful for the rock solid foundation that our marriage provides me. More than ever, I am grateful that we chose each other. That we still choose each other, every single day. That I never, not even once in all these five years, have for a single second worried that you might leave me or not want me or want someone else more. Not once. Because I know that you chose me. And I know that our lives are so completely intertwined now that we would both be lost without each other. And I don’t need roses or vacations or love letters or gifts or anything else to know that you love me, and only me. You don’t need to prove your love to me. You show me it every single day. Every morning when you kiss me and baby goodbye and every afternoon when you call me first thing on your lunch break and every evening when you tell me all the ins and outs of your day and every night when we lay in bed and talk about family or what the world will be like in 100 years or our own insecurities or our different political views or superheroes or whatever else is on our minds. Our love is not something that changes with our passing moods or tempers – it is the one and only constant in this crazy life of ours. And I know that you feel the same because I know you. I really know you. I know what you like and dislike about everything, even me. I know that there is no one else in the world that you confide in. I know that we share everything and know each other so well that now we just talk things over to get each other’s approval for something completely out of respect – because I always know what you will say anyway. But I respect you more than anyone else I know, so I talk things over even though I know your answer just so you can feel that respect. And I know you respect me, too. And not just as a wife or a mother or an English major or anything like that, but as a person. I respect you so much that you are my go-to-expert for everything – even lesson planning. And the same goes for you. I know that there is no one you would rather talk football with than me. I know that you truly think of me as an equal in every way. That you would never, ever, not in a million years belittle me or condescend or treat me anything less than as an absolute equal in every way – spiritually, physically, and intellectually. You truly value me, and I guess that this is the one thing that I am most grateful for in our marriage – confidence.  I am completely confident in you and you are completely confident in me and that makes me completely confident in us.

And now, after 5 years, we’ve grown and changed to where we are mature enough in ourselves and our marriage that we can choose to not buy any anniversary presents or stay overnight anywhere or have a fancy night out (or all those other things that as newlyweds we planned out for ourselves. Man, weren’t we naive?). We don’t need those things and we don’t feel neglected if we don’t get those things. Because we have more than enough. More, sometimes, than I even thought possible. We have our family, everyday. We have our one, maybe two fights a year (which really just end up making me love you more). We have our shared weaknesses and our shared strengths. We have no resentments nor regrets. We have absolute and undying commitment and utmost respect. And we have a sacred reverence for our marriage.

And now we also have our daughter. And that I can’t even begin to explain.

And now your beautiful baby girl is crying, so I am going to go hold her and look into her face and think of you and see in her everything about you that I love. And that, my dear, is just amazing.